A transformative theory that I learned last year and only recently accepted is that half of our life is going to be filled with negative emotion. Otherwise known as “feeling like ASS.” It is the balance of the universe to have negative things going on in the world in concert with amazingly wonderful things. The same is true for our emotional lives.
We need this contrast to even know and appreciate positive emotion. We wouldn’t know happy without having the reference of unhappy. Why this is important and transformative is that I realized that I was not fully accepting this ratio consciously and was always fighting for it to be heavily skewed towards the positive. If I was in a bad mood, I would fight against it as if it shouldn’t have been happening. For example, as a matter of resistance, I eat something crappy to change my state. What this did was up the ratio even more to the negative! My 50/50 then went to 65/50, more ASS after the guilt of eating poorly set in.
When you accept this contrast, you open up to the part that feels poorly. You are not fighting it, resisting it, or buffering away from it like I was with unhealthy food. Many times, we turn to alcohol to temporarily buffer the negative emotion for example. Bottom line is that we buffer more when we don’t accept the contrast. What I now say to myself is “This is the part of the day that I feel like ass and its okay. It is part of the deal. It is part of the human design to feel crappy. Noting has gone wrong, it just is. I also like knowing that even when someone achieves amazing success or fortune, they too experience half of their life with negative events. It is never going to be better, just a different flavor of negative emotion. Even billionaires feel this 50-50.
Many of my clients want to fight this and change the ratio to 80/20 especially when I teach them the life-changing Self-Coaching MODEL. But guess what? Still 50/50. I will say though, the more I have practiced my coaching skills and meditation practice the 50% that is crappy is experienced a bit differently, in a higher vibration ( but that concept is for another time and another blog post.)
Remember too, that often times we choose to feel negatively about something. When someone we love, or an animal passes away, we choose to feel sad and to grieve it. It would be creepy and almost inhuman not to. Negative emotion is the balance of feelings that helps us create the life we want. If discomfort is the currency to success, then a lot of negative feelings (self-doubt, anxiety, fear) have to be felt in order to move forward.
The next time you feel like crap, remember, this is normal and it is part of the deal. Just accept it. Once you open up to it, then you can tune into your thinking and see what was the cause. When you accept this emotion and feel it, then you can change it with some intentional thinking. If you have any questions about this, as some of these are advanced concepts, feel free to reach out. All the best.
All my complimentary mini-sessions are booked for the month of January, if you want to grab one of the 3 spots for Feb. so that you can experience the power of coaching and feel better now, please schedule at: http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk, or share this post with someone that would like too. All the best! Don’t forget to train your mind as hard as you train your body to feel better. Mindyourstrength.com
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Last week I presented you with part 1 of how to achieve the results that you want by recognizing that whatever you think you are going to feel when you get that result you hope for is the currency to achieve it. I talked about the example of wanting to be thin, or at your goal weight, recognizing that, if you think you will feel beautiful when you are thin, then you have to feel beautiful to get thin. Another example is if you believe you have to have a very successful business to be confident, then you have to feel confident to have a successful business. It sounds counterintuitive to many, but it’s actually the key to achieving the results you crave. Game changer, remember?
Part 2 is practicing having an abundance mentality. This means that you love what you have NOW but want more only if you choose to. Most of us don’t spend any time wanting what we already have and only want from a place of scarcity. We only want what we can’t have. The scarcity mentality is fear-based and does not promote positive change. It is so much better to want something you can BELIEVE you can have than to want something and believe you can’t get it.
The abundance mentality helps us get more of what we want while wanting what we already have. Let’s take dating for example. Some of my clients who want to be in a fulfilling relationship deep down believe that there are not any good men or women left out there (scarcity) and worse, believe that they cannot attract the man or woman of their dreams (yikes, more scarcity). Conversely, it’s totally different mindset and feeling to believe that there are amazing men and women out there and that you can attract them. These beliefs (from abundance) come from an empowered and confident place and increase the likelihood of success. So, when the client with the scarcity mindset has a bad date, they use it as evidence to support their thought that there aren’t any good ones out there. Whereas the client with the abundant mindset has the bad date but views the right person as someone that’s still out there.
One of the best strategies to ignite abundance is to make a list of 25 things that you want in your life and to include several items that you already have on the list. This is different than gratitude because wanting is a different emotion. Wanting creates desire and passion. Today, I spent some time really “wanting” my mini-van that has heated seats and it’s 10 degrees outside. Consciously wanting provided me a greater sense of excitement and appreciation for warmth from the cold.
I challenge you to create a list of wants to include things, or relationships that you already have and cherish in your life. Throughout the day, spend a little time in the space of desiring them all over again. Then for the items you do not have, get specific. What do you want and why? Consider whether you believe that you can get those things, and if not, dig deep to find the belief system holding you back from achieving it. If you are ready to apply these two steps with the help of your fellow thought coach, don’t wait, I only have one complimentary mini-session spot available this month, schedule @ http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk to grab it. If you have already done this work, please share these posts with a friend or family member, so they too can learn how to train their mind to feel better.
One of the most profound lessons that I have learned about goal cultivation, a fancy way of saying making your dreams come true, is that whatever you think you are going to feel when you get that result you hope for is the currency to get it. Meaning if you think you will feel beautiful when you are thin, then you have to feel beautiful to get thin. Another example is if you believe you have to have a very successful business to be confident you have to feel confident to have a successful business. It sounds counterintuitive to many, but it’s actually the key to achieving the results you crave. Game changer.
This is why knowing how to create emotion is so very powerful. I teach my clients that our thoughts create our feelings and knowing how to create feeling states that support our goals is essential to mastering them. This skill is also instructive as, if we’re successful at this, we can feel those exact emotions now instead of waiting until we get to our goal weight, or have a successful business, or find the man or woman of our dreams. This positive emotion promotes change and can create positivity in the current moment.
It is important to recognize that when we have practiced believing that we are unattractive for several years or have very little experience in a new business venture, it can be hard to believe something more uplifting. This is very normal and signifies the growth that needs to take place. I know I am on the right track when creating a goal when it feels a bit icky and exciting all at once. That gap in-between will be the growth factor.
As I have stated in previous blogs, it is often too much of a stretch to go from believing you are unattractive to beautiful, or from I don’t know what I am doing in business to I am a master. The brain will actually reject this intentional thought. What we do is inch our way to this new belief by shifting from I don’t like the way my body looks, to, instead, I have a body. Start at neutral and slowly build our beliefs to support our goals.
Many of you have stated that it is really helpful to practice “I am becoming________” as a bridging thought when you are having trouble believing the intentional ones. I am becoming a woman who believes she can have a million dollar business, or I am becoming a man who believes he can take weight off and keep it off permanently. I am becoming a woman who believes she can find her dream spouse. This confidence will help get you there.
Part 2- will include a deeper dive into the abundance mentality. Embracing abundance is the second secret ingredient to getting what you want out of life and feeling better. Stayed tuned to next week’s blog on abundance.
The New Year is a fantastic time to start your transformative Life or Weight Coaching journey. To sign-up, or learn more go to: http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk. As always, don’t forget to train your mind as hard as you train your body to feel better.
I believe that one of our main purposes to be on this planet is to evolve. Setting and achieving goals is one of the best ways I know how to do this. It requires us to embrace discomfort, generate new belief systems and learn more about ourselves. Every year I spend some time looking back through my planner and writing down all that I achieved over the past year. We are never the same person we were last year, physically, mentally and often spiritually and it is fun and meaningful to look at how far we’ve come. A few of my current clients have asked how I set goals, so I wanted to share the process with all of you in hopes that you join me in this process.
It is important to know that goals help give our brains direction. If not, the default thinking will occur over and over again. Remember, the brain likes to be efficient and wants to recycle= the same thoughts regularly. Thus, when this happens, we get the same results. It’s important to give your mind a new direction by establishing new goals and a new focus.
It is also helpful to come from a place of abundance as opposed to from scarcity. Many of us don’t spend any time at all wanting what we already have. We always think about wanting something we don’t have, but it can be very powerful to create desire for something we already own, or someone in our life that has been there with us for a long time that we love. This helps shift us to a place of abundance. For example, this winter I keep wanting my newer car that has heated seats and a back-up mirror. Wanting what I already creates a space of gratitude and abundance.
Lastly, in order for us to achieve a stretch goal we are going to have to think thoughts we have never thought before. We are going to have to spend some time thinking like our future self: what that person thinks about, how that person tackles obstacles, how he or she shows up in the world. Your brain may fight you on this at first because it doesn’t have an easy template of thoughts to think, but allow it to stress out at first and direct your brain to your future focused thinking.
So here is the process:
- Make a list of 25 things you want – both that you *do* have and that you *don’t*
- Pick only one to two of the ones you don’t have and get very specific about it. Write each goal down, and make sure the goal is measureable. (i.e. if you want to “workout more”, write down, how often, where, and for how long), it must be measureable. Constraint is your friend here, it is better to see one or two goals to completion vs. 5-6 goals at 50% or not at all.
- Put yourself in the mindset of having already accomplished the goal, and write down what you did to accomplish it from that future place. If you struggle with this, it’s okay. Know that as soon as you commit and start taking massive action on your goal, the how will continue to show up……
Lastly, feel free to share your goals with me. I can save them here in a file and we can have some goal check-in sessions. When you evolve to the next level of yourself, you will likely have to confront a lot of negative emotion, fear, self-doubt, and anxiety to name a few. That is where I can come in and help you overcomes these feelings. 2018 is going to be epic! I want to join you in making it so. My passion is to lift people up, if you know someone out there who could also benefit from this thought work, please forward them my emails or ask them to join the list @ Mindyourstrength.com.
(I am launching the second round of my 6 week jumpstart to permanent weight loss group called the “The Weight is Over” Click the link below to learn more…..If you want to learn how to manage your mind to get to your goal weight, send me an email entitled, sign me up. Let’s get to your goal weight and stay there together, I have 2 spots left.)
The New Year is fast approaching, and that means many of us are making resolutions for 2018. I am a strong believer in creating them as long as it is for the right reasons. Many people create resolutions to feel better about themselves and to compensate for perceived shortfalls. They get upset that another year has gone by and they are not at their ideal body weight, haven’t been consistent with exercise, haven’t met the partner of their dreams, and so they create resolutions in the hope that they will find that worth and the end of the year.
Do not create resolutions to feel worthy! Rather I would suggest you work on believing in our own absolute self-worth now, as is, then trying to obtain it at the end of next year. You are amazing just the way you are. Create the resolution to watch yourself grow, or try something new, expand your life experience, not to feel better about yourself.
What I recommend when creating resolutions is to do a big brain storm. Let yourself free -write and come up with some growth opportunities. Then practice constraint. Pick 1 to 2 items on the list and put all your energy into obtaining only one or two items. If we create too many resolutions on top of our already busy lifestyles, we will burn out and give up. Pick 1-2 and go all in. And even if the goal is forgotten by March, the process of improving one’s sense of worth in just 1-2 months is an accomplishment in and of itself.
It helps to write down perceived obstacles to obtaining your goal. If there weren’t obstacles you would have most likely already achieved this result, so take some time and write down what has held you back in the past. Once you have that in place, be very specific on how and when you will work on your goal. If your resolution is to work out more, write down how many times you will work out a week, where, and for how long. It must be measurable. You are more likely to “meditate more” if you make a commitment to do it for 5 minutes every day after you shower, then leaving it up to chance or “I’ll get to it at some point later.”
Finally, have some fun with the resolutions. If you want to work out more, pick a class or a studio that looks like fun to you. Go all in for several weeks and check-in to see if it is fun and is helping you achieve your goal. It is possible to lose weight and have fun, at least that’s what my weight loss clients and I do.
Think of how great your life would be if you had a Life & Weight Coach by your side for at least 3 months-someone who can help you to manage your mind, your emotions, and to overcome the obstacles that have held you back before. My resolution is to coach twice as many people in 2018 as I did this year. I hope you take part in a transformative journey to train your mind to get what you want out of life. If you are ready to commit to your resolutions and want an experienced coach to help you get there, don’t hesitate to schedule a complimentary mini-session to get results right away. Schedule at Mindyourstrength.com. Don’t delay. Happy New Year!!!!!!